His little screams hit my heart like daggers. It’s been 5 minutes, maybe. But the tears stream down my face. The anxiety is bad lately- third night in a row where I have felt the throat-closing panic of anxiety around my heart. It moves up my spine to my shoulders and down my arms. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I can’t relax. I can’t do anything.
“You need to come home” texts to your husband. Bawling your eyes out while the baby screams in his crib. Wondering if **insert time** is too early for a glass of wine. Angst in the pit of your stomach. Cherishing the moments of silence- when he’s sleeping, when he’s entertained, when he’s away. Guilt at… Continue reading Postpartum is…
I called at 10:30 to check on him. He was just taking the first bottle and doing ok. He’d made a girlfriend, a brunette by the name of Stella. Maybe 30 minutes later, the daycare called. Panic as I answered the phone.
How does a work-from-home 90% of the time, exclusively breastfeeding, bedsharing, babywearing mom leave her 6-month-old high needs baby at a daycare with 3 other children for a teacher to care for?
I will hold him when he needs it, let him sleep in my bed, and nurse him as long/much as he wants. I have to take moments to myself and just let him cry, but I don’t want those to be the norm. I want him to know that he is loved and secure and that mom is here when he needs it. So that he has good days too.
My husband keeps asking what we need to do to make me better. We’ve had this conversation for almost 5 months. My depression/anxiety started when Baby J was 4 weeks old after we’d spent the first 3 weeks of his life in and out of the hospital. At 4 weeks, it was that I needed… Continue reading Support Plan
The worst part of postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety is that you know you should be happy. You know it should be joyful and fun. And some moments are. But the non-joyful moments feel like your world is caving in.