motherhood · postpartum

Good Days

Friday and Saturday were pretty good days. Friday, the nanny came for 5 hours and I went to a long lunch with my old boss/good friend. Then my brother and sister-in-law came up for a wine party with some friends. I hadn’t seen them since Christmas and it was so nice to spend some time with family and have a few more moments of baby-free arm time. Saturday, Baby J and I met another mom and her 2 kiddos at a local park to walk some trails. And baby, husband, and I spent a few hours running errands, grabbing yummy Mexican food, and just being together.

Sunday, Baby J woke in a crummy mood and seemed to be that way most of the day. That mixed with some texts from my mom about scheduling issues (she wants to go on a day trip, but that’s another story), my day got off on the wrong foot. The hubs took Baby J for a couple of hours while I prepped for a girls’ devotional time here at the house. I got to spend 2 hours with some girlfriends while Baby J slept peacefully in my arms.

Hubby went for a run while I made dinner. Baby played on the kitchen floor- he is getting more and more mobile every day. The little man was excited to eat a new puree. Baby Lead Weaning has morphed into sometimes BLW and sometimes pureed/spoon feeding, but he likes to feed himself with the spoon so really it’s all BLW in my opinion. Yes, my 6-month-old wants to feed himself with the spoon and does a decent job even if half of it does get on the tray and him. He also tried some spaghetti meat sauce and enjoyed it.

I gave him a bath and by 8:30, he was passed out in my arms. I spent over an hour on the phone with my mom while he slept. He “woke up” at 10:30 to eat (he never fully wakes if he’s in the middle of a long stretch of sleep) but went right back to sleep. I was able to put him in our bed while I showered and did a few dishes. I picked up the house to get ready for the week and fell asleep somewhere close to 1am. The kid woke up every 2 hours or so to eat, but slept until 9:45 this morning.

I am still in shock. No, it wasn’t a solid stretch of sleep for me since I was still waking to feed him. And I do wake more fully than I used to as 1) sometimes he manages to bite me while nursing now that he’s got teeth (OW!) and 2) he is so heavy to flip back and forth that I have to more fully wake to switch sides nursing. So I woke up exhausted, but not anymore than normal.

Little man is with the nanny this morning while I knock out some work stuff. We have his 6 month check-up this afternoon. I haven’t decided if I’ll ask the doctor if it’s normal if he cries as much as he does. I don’t think I will because I honestly don’t want to face the suggestions to let him cry it out or that he will just have to learn. My mama intuition is telling me that he is just demanding and he’s also in the midst of a Wonder Week leap. I don’t believe anything is physically wrong with him and my emotions cannot handle crying it out or letting him learn. My mama intuition tells me that is wrong. A 6-month-old cannot reason or rationalize why he is left alone. And he does not understand me to know that I will be back.

For now, I will hold him when he needs it, let him sleep in my bed, and nurse him as long/much as he wants. I have to take moments to myself and just let him cry, but I don’t want those to be the norm. I want him to know that he is loved and secure and that mom is here when he needs it. So that he has good days too.

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