the longest 38 weeks

The hubs and I were joking the other night about “what if” I got pregnant again- mostly because I live in a constant state of “oh my gosh, what if I am” these days. Pretty early on in my pregnancy, I realized that I didn’t like it. I was constantly nauseous, I ached, my chronic health conditions were incredibly difficult to manage, and the antenatal depression made me want to curl up in a hole and never come out. I started telling people that this was it. I was a “one and done” via my uterus mom.

Baby J was born at 38 weeks, 2 days. My labor story is a whole other post, but those 38 weeks and 2 days were the longest of my life. The first trimester was filled with so many appointments- hormone checks, ultrasounds, check-ups, tests. It was the fastest, even though I spent most of it clinging to a toilet or stuffing crackers in my mouth. I spent so much time doing everything possible to keep the pregnancy that it made it go by much faster.

The second trimester slowed down after about 20 weeks once I had the big ultrasound to check all of baby’s development and organs. My appointments went monthly and my arms were no longer pin cushions. Baby kept growing and growing….and growing…and growing…

The appointments picked up again in the third trimester. Bi-weekly ultrasounds to check baby’s growth. Weekly non-stress tests to check baby’s status. I had spent my whole pregnancy unsure if we’d make it to this point. Would baby come early? 32 weeks? 34? Even 36.

I checked off each week with a growing anxiety of baby’s arrival. I wasn’t nervous about baby coming. Labor didn’t worry me. It was the fact that I was still pregnant when I thought I wouldn’t be. Making it through the first trimester was beyond miraculous. But making it so close to full-term was chaotic. I hadn’t mentally prepared for the days to drag on like years.

38 weeks, 2 days felt like the longest 10 years of my life. When you get to the third trimester, everyone tells you that pregnancy doesn’t last forever. You’ve made it- you’re swollen, everything hurts, you can’t sleep, you get up to pee every 10 seconds, every twinge sends you to the “What Does Labor Feel Like” articles. But I’m here to tell you that the third trimester is FOREVER!

I mean, sure, it doesn’t actually last forever. I’m not pregnant anymore. But those weeks feel like an eternity. And if I found out I was pregnant today, my biggest stressor would be knowing just how long 38 weeks, 2 days feels like. Forever.


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